Amy's Texas Parenting

Amy Egan says:

The Parenting Post
Support For More Peaceful Families
What Is It That Parents Really Hope For?

During the years we are raising our kids, we tend be engrossed in the day-to-day efforts. From raising a newborn to sending a child off to college and every event in between, we are consumed with all that each stage brings to us. Thinking about it more deeply, what is it we are truly striving for? My guess is that most of us hope to raise our child to become an adult that is capable of creating their own happiness, is responsible and has values very similar to our own.

So then, what kinds of things can we do during these years between newborn and college, that will increase the likelihood of the outcome we are hoping for?

A couple of weeks ago I ran into an acquaintance I had not talked with in a couple of years. We had an interesting discussion on this subject, partly because she is now the head of Human Resources for a law firm. The fascinating part of our discussion covered the type of employee she looks for and has a lot of trouble finding….. and some of the issues she has with many of the younger employees she deals with. Here were some of the frustrating issues she shared with me; employees who are chronically late for work, people who text during meetings, workers who complain bitterly about having to attend meetings, employees who expect promotions but who have done little to deserve them and the best of all, an employee who was put on probation for chronic lateness had his mother call to defend him. (He is 26 years old.)

I am quite sure every parent reading this newsletter does not want to raise an adult who would fit this profile. So how can we increase that likelihood that we raise adults who are capable of being responsible and self sufficient and the kind of person others want to hire? I certainly do not have all the answers. I have kids that are still under my roof, so I cannot claim to have the perfect recipe. But my guess is, a few things….like not rescuing them when they fail but having empathy when they experience the consequences of their mistakes….and being firmly but lovingly in charge….not being afraid of their negative emotions (we tend to be weak parents and ‘cave’ when we are afraid they will react), letting them work for what they want rather than giving them too much and letting them feel the glory of accomplishment rather than stealing that by overindulging. Being there to comfort them after disappointment instead of making sure they are never disappointed and celebrating with them after a success.

From things I have read and heard it sounds like there are many, many adult children out there like the ones my friend described above. I suspect that if you raise your kids with the tips I mentioned, your adults kids will have a huge leg up when it comes to looking for employment!

If this topic interests you I recommend a newish book by Charles Fay, PH.D. called, “Parenting Kids To Become the People Employers Want… and America Desperately Needs!” Funny title…..great message!
Some Q & A

Parent: My kids complain and are darn-right disrespectful about many of the meals I make. I am tired of it and feel beaten down. Is there something I can do about this miserable situation?

Amy: I feel your pain! Meal making is one of my least favorite duties as a parent. But there are a couple of things I have done that have helped a lot. Maybe they will work well for you.
1.) If someone does not like the meal you make, give them the opportunity to make their own. I say it has to be something not messy and somewhat healthy. (No Fruity Pebbles but Cheerios are fine, a sandwich, etc.) That way I am not making two dinners.
2.) If you plan your meals ahead, let everyone make some choices. Ownership in one meal can give them tolerance for a few others.
3.) Have them each make one meal a week for the family. This can be a Saturday lunch of sandwiches and carrots if they like.
But most important, don’t allow disrespect around meals. Tell the complainer they are welcome to sit with the family as long as they don’t whine or they may complain as much as they like in their room. And remember, don’t lecture or yell….keep it simple and stay calm.

Parent: My son recently got his drivers license. The law says he can drive with one other person in the car under the age of 18, and no more. None of the other kids are following this rule. It bothers me because I understand that distraction is the cause of many teen accidents.

Amy: This is a sore spot for me, as well. What we have to remember is that driving a car is a privilege rather than a birth-right for a teenager. I think our drivers need to know that we expect them to follow the rule, for the safety of themselves and their friends and because they signed the paper saying they would follow this law. When and if we find out they have been driving with more than one other under 18 kid, we need to take the keys. And we keep them until we feel confident they understand that we are very serious about respecting the rule. If we have a zero tolerance approach for this one, they will expect that we have the same for texting, drinking, drugs, and just goofing around while driving a car.
Something else that is helpful is to find the other parents who agree with holding their kids accountable when it comes to driving and keep tabs for each other when the kids are in cars. You will feel stronger when you have other parents to support you and they will feel the same.
Upcoming Events!

Interested in the “Becoming a Love and Logic Parent” course?

I will be teaching it at Suncreek United Methodist Church in Allen Wednesday evenings

beginning Jan. 19. We will meet from 6:30-8:30 and child care is available. This is a six week

course.

Email me for details or to register.

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Amy Egan says:

Tomorrow is the “Snap Out Of It” women’s conference at the PLano Centre. Many, many women who have found life beyond limiting beliefs. I will be there all day talking about positive parenting!