Staying calm while interacting with a raging teen can seem nearly impossible. Often, the teen is saying things that are hurtful and disrespectful. This tends to cause us to feel offended, defensive and want to either cry or seek revenge, but knowing the benefits of keeping calm can motivate us to make it a priority.

Recently, I have been coaching a mother whose six-year-old daughter has a lot of control in their home. Due to the nature of their personalities, both parents were allowing this to go on because they saw it as being better than any conflict that ensued when Meg was not given her way. Naturally, life had gotten very uncomfortable for all three of them. To start with, we worked out a plan to help get Mom and Dad back in charge of the situation. Things like not arguing with Meg, setting a limit once and following through with a consequence, not minding when Meg got really upset with them, all helped tremendously. And while both parents were thrilled with the improvements and new-found harmony within the family, Mom was still puzzled by Meg's almost constant attempts to control her mother.

If you are the parent of a young child, you may still have one who freely talks about her thoughts, ideas, feelings and experiences. You may also have heard that once your child becomes older, she will not share with you the way she does now. If you are the parent of an older child, you may now be experiencing a relationship that seems to have little communication within it. You may feel grief over what once was, and wonder where it all went 'wrong'.

One of thee (not a typo!) most frustrating and annoying tasks many of us face on a constant basis while raising children, is getting them to the things we need them to do, or the things they themselves need to do. I see two main categories when it comes to Stuff Kids Need To Do. Category A is the stuff we need them to do like chores and getting themselves ready when we are preparing to leave the house. Category B would include the things they need to do that affect them a lot more than they affect us, like doing homework or practicing a sport.

As I have told some of my friends, I recently realized that one of my children has some Eeyore-ish characteristics and if I don't stay on my toes, they can effect the whole family. I don't mean the Eeyore stuff like his lack of confidence, (that can be a topic for another newsletter). No….my Eeyore displays his Eeyore-ness by not wanting to do anything other than things he likes to do. You know what I mean, right? Like the rest of you want to try a certain restaurant or to do some activity and when your Eeyore finds out, he mumbles and grumbles and says he is not going and that you can't make him. Your choice is to go without him, (kind of letting him off the hook, giving in, in my opinion) or bribe him to go (never, ever a good strategy in the long run!!), or tell him he is big trouble if he does not go and then listen to him complain during the activity while he ruins the day for everyone else.

Just what is delayed gratification? Well, I would say, put simply, it is not getting what you want when you want it. A more positive perspective might be, getting lots of things you want after working hard to get them.

When it comes to parenting, we have thousands of opportunities to give our kids what they want when they want it, or, have them wait for a more appropriate time. Naturally, there are many times when giving them what they want immediately is just fine. But I want to talk about the other times…..when not handing it over to them right away is in their best interest.

Everybody's been there. And maybe you are even there right now. You feel like you are doing everything right, the way you learned, the way you have practiced and the way it has worked in the past. Yet, something isn't working this time and you can't seem to be able to figure out why. Well, recently I worked with a mom who was in such a place. Here is the story of our session and how it turned it out. Maybe……the piece to her puzzle will be the piece to yours, now or later, and you too, can become unstuck!